STOP!

Work on new choreography! Sweep this stinkin' floor! Wash oldest son's school uniforms for the week! Organize oldest son's school work and tasks! Rest! Eat! Get all family appointments, events, etc. on calendar! Straighten kitchen desk! Pick up all dirty clothes hanging around every where! Don't forget to breathe! Find paperwork for bills. Pay bills! Get groceries for the week! It goes on and on and it don't STOP!

STOP! Wait a minute. Slow down. I can't keep up. How do I fit all this into my head? My brain can only take so much! Is it time to scream? Heck YEAAHHHHHHHHhhhh! I'm well overdue for a good scream! Anybody with me?

I have yet to practice new choreography for Zumba fitness classes that start up again Monday evening. Not to mention- there are new Instructors coming to audition to sub and also possibly teach permanently Zumba Fitness classes! Ayyyyyy! What's a woman to do? Stop, breathe, focus! Stop, breathe, focus! In my mind I just want to sit down, not think about anything, put my feet up, and just BREATHE deep breaths! Can I do that? Of course not because time is passing by and I only have so much of it before the new work/school week starts up!

Hubby will be going out of town for business this coming week. I'm freakin' out because I'll be playing single Mom, of course, until he returns. SCREAM! Just scream girl! Yeahhhhh my mind is telling me this. I just want to watch a good movie. I just want to chill, relax. Yet I don't feel I have the time to do this with everything going on! Yet I created this monster life that is filled with A LOT OF BUSY STUFF! WTH? What the___? What was I thinking?

It's Sat. night and I still don't have new choreography together. I feel bad because my 5 yr. old is sitting on the couch playing on his Nintendo DS (have I stooped so low as a Mom that I have him turning to his DS for fun? Oh crap! This is NOT GOOD, not good at all!). The cry for "Help!" flashes in front of me.

This is my life. Am I doing too much? My hubby always seems to think so. Yet if I gave up anything I feel like I'd be giving up a part of me! Who the heck wants to give up a piece of self? I know I don't want to. Why should I? I deserve to live my passion. Oh wait- did I even state my passion? DANCE (I'm dancing right now as I type this- I can't help it!)! Movement is therapy for me- whether it's dance, tai chi, yoga, kickboxing, anything that involves me moving my body: I am SO THERE!

So I can't just STOP! I have to keep going. It is a part of who I am as a person. Yet there is a part of me that feels I have to give it all up in order to maintain some sanity in my life. Would I be truly happy if I did give up those things I am passionate about? Having a family complicates things. Yet I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's a matter of finding the balance that I need in order to make it through as a mother, wife, and teacher. So why this going back and forth with my feelings? I am so lost when it comes to this. I am on one end of the pendulum, then I suddenly swing loosely to the other end! DANG IT! STOP PLEASE! I'm getting a headache!

Sometimes I pretend I am this woman that can do it ALL! No way! Although there are many times we juggle the cumbersome tasks of being a woman with many hats to wear! So part of me wants to stop ALL that I am doing. And part of me just wants to try and keep going, find my way through the madness of the chaos! Which part do you think outweighs the other part?

WINK! WINK!

If I could stop time, I sure would. Just to get some things done that have been on my TO-DO list for too freakin' long! Do you understand? Can you relate? I sure hope so because I don't want to feel alone in this.

On to my choreography! Let me stop procrastinating and start being proactive with this chaotic life I chose!

Until next time, Peace, Love, and Zumba!